Last weekend I attended a relationship workshop taught by Paula Hemming for coaches and counselors. At one point there was a coaching demonstration using a real-life couple Paula coached in the past. Even though the couple was very different in certain ways, their relationship seemed strong and true.
There are so many ways a relationship can get off track. One could be summed up by the expression “the road to hell is paved with good intentions”.
We start out wanting the best for our partners, our relationship and ourselves. This can be true whether the relationship is personal or professional.
We want the relationship to work, so we give things up (and don’t necessarily tell the other person). A pile of unmet needs collects in the middle of the relationship. One person thinks (or says), “Why aren’t you grateful?”
The other person thinks (or says), “I didn’t ask you to give that up.”
The worst definition of compromise is one where no one is happy.
As we make assumptions about how the other person wants us to be, we move further away from the person they met.
One solution Paula proposed is for each person to claim who they are at the same time as each person steps up to support the other. As you may have learned on Sesame St., you take turns at certain times. “Yes, even though I am vegetarian, I will go to the steak place, enjoy the salad bar, and enjoy your enjoyment with the steak.”
In the next couple of weeks, I’ll share more unfortunate assumptions couples make and techniques for addressing them.
And the couple who seemed so strong and true?
After they left, Paula shared that four years ago, before coaching, they had been on the brink of divorce.
There are ways to establish and re-establish what is uniquely good in your relationship. Please contact me if you’d like a complimentary consult.
And may you all pursue your individual and joint paths with passion, power, purpose and peace!