Last week I wrote about using new eyes to transform our perspective as a first step to changing circumstances.
This week I’d like to talk about language.
A few weeks ago I said to my own coach that I ‘needed’ to do something. She brought my attention to the fact that I was using the language of need to talk about everything I was contemplating doing. “What do you want to do?” she asked me.
When I changed my language, I had an immediate sense that the burden I put on myself of needing to do things actually lightened. Once I re-stated certain activities as what I wanted to do, it honestly felt easier to take action. Frankly, everything felt easier.
Need suggests lack, requirements and obligations. It suggests that we will not be ok unless something changes. Naturally, there are times when this is truthful and representative of reality. If someone is starving or homeless or freezing to death, they absolutely need food, shelter and warmth.
But most of the things we tell ourselves we need to do are actually choices we make. And when we remember them as choice, rather than necessity, it makes each decision a little lighter, and perhaps a little more powerful.
Look at these common expressions:
“I need to go to the gym.” Vs. “I want to go to the gym.”
“I need to take my daughter to the library.” Vs. “I want to take my daughter to the library.”
“I need to apologize for wrongfully accusing my colleague.” Vs. “I want to apologize for wrongfully accusing my colleague.”
May we pursue our paths, using appropriate expressions of our power,