It’s not always an outside agency or person that damages us. Sometimes we do it to ourselves.
If you think, “I’ll never love again” or “Love hurts too much” or “I just don’t have what it takes”, you may be a victim of Self-betrayal. (I am capitalizing Self, because I am talking about the big Self, not the small self.)
Often this betrayal is to avoid being hurt. When you are so discouraged that you not only want to give up on a person or project, but you also want to ditch an entire ideal, essential value or cherished dream, you may be teetering on the edge of Self-betrayal.
If you tell yourself to stop trying, to withdraw and “settle” for less (in a situation where your essential ideals, values or dreams are about to go over the cliff), you injure your Self-trust. Everything you cherish has an essence. You love it for a reason, because some deep part of you finds communion by being in relationship with it.
If you cut yourself off from a relationship with your dreams and values, and follow that lonely path to its end, you end up in an ocean of isolation, cut off from your deepest Self.
(Of course, there are dreams that morph, change and evolve in their expression. Some even die a natural death to be replaced with something better. That’s ok, and even necessary sometimes. You know the difference between that and giving up the essence of what’s most important to You, don’t you? J)
There are times in life when it’s natural to be afraid that you can’t get what you want. But telling yourself untruths doesn’t help.
Avoid telling yourself anything with an “always” or a “never” in it. Usually self-declarations containing an “always” or “never” aren’t truthful.
Who among us hasn’t worked really hard for something and met rejection upon rejection or failure upon failure until it felt like we couldn’t take anymore?
Develop Self-advocacy. If you don’t know how to advocate for you and your essential Self, find someone to coach you.
Whether the discouraged part of you wants to admit it, You have a unique combination of gifts, talents and resources. Your gifts, talents and resources are meant to be shared. Not given up on.
May we all pursue our paths, safe in the knowledge that at our core we are all creative, resourceful and whole beings, with many ways to express our gifts,