Recently I was honored to be interviewed by radio host Bill Horan on WHPC 90.3 FM about The Concise Coaching Handbook: How To Coach Yourself And Others To Get Business Results The show will be broadcast December 19, 2018 at 4pm. If you miss it, I’ll provide a link in the next blog and on my website!
Google “Is honesty is the best policy?” and you’ll find a raft of articles that argue both yes and no.
The most recent study that caught my eye was from the Journal of Experiment Psychology.
Individuals expect honesty to be less pleasant and less socially connecting than it actually is.
Now we’re not talking about brutal honesty (coming from a simmering resentment or anger of “This person needs to hear the cold, hard truth from me about how unacceptable their behavior is and they must be made accountable.”)
But we are talking about the fudging of truth I think a lot of us make. Often, we feel we can’t share our true feelings to an intimate partner or even inside low key social or work settings because we’re afraid of creating discomfort in ourselves or in the other people.
However, we lose opportunities for deeper connection when we adopt an overly protective stance. It can even victimize us or the other person with our fears. Have you ever let one of the following attitudes stop you from saying something?
“S/he’s not strong enough to hear this”
“I’m not strong enough to say this”
“Our relationship will be negatively impacted and might not survive if I say what’s true for me.”
My recommendation? It’s almost always ok to use ‘I feel’ statements about situations or another’s behavior, as in “I feel x, y, or z when you do x, y, or z.”
That is taking ownership and is not generally blaming the other person. (Nevertheless, using that statement shouldn’t be used to score points in an argument!)
If used with humility, this statement just makes a simple connection (that the other person might not be aware of) between your feelings and the other person’s behavior.
During the holiday season, we want to spend quality time in quality relationships. What are ways you can deepen the relationships you already have?
May we pursue our paths, finding ways to cherish our relationships with gentle honesty,
P.S. In the New Year with a spirit of honesty (with myself!), I’m releasing the expectation that I will automatically write a weekly blog. Instead, I am going to write an occasional blog. (And I may experiment with video blogging, instead of a traditional blog.) Stay tuned!