Early in our marriage, my husband voiced a dangerous relationship assumption.
“Since you love me, I assumed you’d know what I want.”
While we may know our partners well enough to sense generally what’s going on with him/her, we can’t know everything they think or feel. We’re simply not equipped to appreciate all the differences of another person.
Sometimes the shoe is on the other foot and our partner doesn’t understand the importance of something dear to us. We blame him/her for not understanding us. But often what’s important to us is simply not on the other person’s radar.
When we first fall in love, we often experience feeling completely “seen” or “heard” by the other person. The first time we are disappointed by the words/actions of those we love, we are caught up short. “How could they do that? How could they not know how acting that way would affect me?
One of the most important maturations for couples is the realization each individual really is different. Each person has unique tastes, preferences, needs and desires.
While we hope “love conquers all”, the reality is that we must develop skills and tools to make requests. One of the best ways to create a foundation for that is to create an ideal relationship vision, to honor each other’s values inside the relationship, and to learn ways to gently remind each other of the vision, especially when life experiences and faulty assumptions threaten to take us out of it.
If you and your partner would like to avoid the relationship assumption pitfalls and create a conscious ideal vision for your relationship, please feel free to contact me.
And may your pursue your path with passion, power, peace and purpose!